


Would you be waiting for me?

by lovlessfairy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 03:10:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11569083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovlessfairy/pseuds/lovlessfairy
Summary: So we know Alexander’s last thoughts before he died but, who was waiting for him at the other side?This literally pop up in my head while I was working, listening to Hamilton.It’s my first time writing something Hamilton related, so be kind ;)





	Would you be waiting for me?

Alexander aimed for the sky, the echo of Burr's gun still ringing in the air, but no melody came.

Funny how he always wished for a war, for a heroic death to become a legend, a martyr but those days were long gone. 

Back then he had nothing to lose but now he had a life. A name. A legacy that wasn't finished. He even has a meeting in the afternoon. There was still things to do, places to go, a life to fulfill.

But suddenly everything froze and things came to an abrupt stop. 

His eyes never left the bullet in front of him, even when his gun was still aiming to the sky. 

He didn't dare to close his eyes. He had always rather see death in the eyes than hiding behind closed lids.  
For a second he wondered what he will see when his eyes were finally closed.  
Who will be waiting for him at the other side? His mother or perhaps Philip. 

Laurens… 

John Laurens, his dear friend. One of the few regrets in his life.  
If he ever found himself cursing to the skies, it was always because of Lauren. Because of his loud mouth, his reckless behavior and because he died fighting a war it was already over.  
Their time together was not enough. There was so much to do, so much to say... letters can only do so much.  
For once, words weren't enough.  
It doesn't matter how many letters he wrote, how many words he left printed in thousands of pages.  
What's the point if there was no one to read them?  
What's the point if he was no longer around to answer?  
How can you put desolation and heartbreak into words?  
You don't.  
Words can only do so much. 

He missed him.  
And no matter how many years have passed, he still looked at the sky everyday wishing for some kind a sign that he was still watching. 

Are you proud of me? he asked to thin air after he calls out Jefferson about who's doing the planting back in the south.  
He couldn't help his smirk as he thought of John and how he would have had reacted if he was by his side.

John would have been his right-hand man.  
He would have been the perfect man for the job.  
He would have been the perfect godfather for Philip. Maybe his son would still be by Eliza's side if John had lived long enough to give advice to his kid. 

If John was still alive, maybe he wouldn't be here, standing in front of a bullet with his gun aiming to the sky. 

If only he hadn't died back in South Carolina… but he did.  
Death once again, cruel as it was, took away another loved one, laughing on his face, keeping those he treasured away from him. 

He was tired. 

He has seen some too many loved ones die as he was left standing. Breathing. Alone.

Thank god for Eliza. His beautiful Eliza.  
The same who respected his silence and lack of words when John died.  
She understood, and that was enough.  
People don't give her enough credit, the best of wives and best of women.  
She was a calming presence in his life, much more patient and kind than he ever was.  
Much more forgiving. Can you imagine?  
His Eliza was so much more.  
She was much stronger than him, more resilience. He knew, in his heart, she was going to be fine.  
He trusted God will give her everything it was denied to him.  
Time.

Would John had been able to stop him from breaking Eliza’s heart?  
John would have never let him publish what happened with Maria. Maybe he wouldn’t have been able to stop the affair because John could only do so much, but Alexander was sure, Laurens would have given his life to keep the Hamilton’s from the shame and heartbreak Alexander’s selfish endeavors caused them. 

To keep his children from the humiliation. 

His children… 

Now, he had nothing left than just pray for his children.  
He wished Philip was still alive to guide them. He was supposed to take care of the family when Alexander's time was up. He wasn't supposed to die first, and when he did, a piece of his legacy died with him.

Now, all he could do was hope for them to have a good and prosperous life, and hopefully, be happy.

He hopes the time they shared, was enough to give them tools for them to use wisely in their lives.  
He prays that what he gave them was enough. He tried. He gave them all the things that life cruelly denied him when he was a kid. His children were able to have a father by their side, until now.

God, he hopes Philip is waiting at the other side.  
There’s so much to say, to apologize.  
Every day since the duel his mind has been plagued with regrets and what ifs.  
What if he had crossed the Hudson with him. Maybe he could have spared his life and his son will be here to keep his legacy.  
He should have been there. Even if the bullet had still kept its path to mortally wound him, Philip would have had never been alone and scared. He would have had held his hand until the very end. 

He now wishes to have another chance to see him and hold his hand until forever. 

He hopes he sees John too to apologize.

Alexander never really told Laurens he was sorry for how he treated him when Washington sent him back home after the duel with Lee. Harsh words were said and everything ended with John wishing him good luck with Eliza. His poor wife.

Once, Eliza told him Laurens knew he was sorry, and even when he didn't answer her, Alexander desperately prayed she was right.

She often talked about Laurens and his battle against slavery, almost as she was trying to keep his memory alive, even when Alexander never answered her. Not once. 

But she kept doing it and even insisted on naming one of their children after Laurens. 

Silently Alexander tried to find a reason behind his wife actions, even when deep down he already knew why. 

Eliza always knew.

And Eliza wasn't selfish, as long as he came home at the end of the day, things would be ok.

He hopes that even as the years pass by, she still tell tales about John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton's dear friend.

And so, he wondered once again… 

Who's gonna tell our story?  
Will they ever even know our story?  
Will our letters become a distant memory that will disappear with time until they are forgotten by history, leaving our story lost in the middle of the emptiness only the pass of years can provide?  
Will be this bullet the end of our story? 

He felt himself take a breath and saw images come and go. He could hear Eliza and Angelica crying and then nothing.  
There was no sound, just emptiness.  
He dared to open his eyes and Eliza wasn’t by his side anymore. There was nothing.  
He looked around wondering if this was where he was supposed to spend eternity, an endless void until the end of times, but a voice caught his attention.

-Alexander!  
-John?

John Laurens just smiled, looking straight into Alexander's eyes.

-What are you doing here? Where is 'here' anyway? Have you been watching all these time?  
-Hey, Alexander- he said without stop smiling  
-What?  
-Talk less  
-And smile more- Hamilton answered.

And for once… he did.

**Author's Note:**

> Remember to leave kudos ;)


End file.
